| Domains |
[Mar. 28th, 2009|11:18 pm] |
“What do I do?” she asked as we sat facing each other.
“Nothing, just relax, this isn't a task or test” I replied, I held her head in my hands, fingers along her jawline, my thumbs caressing her closed eyes and cheeks, I could feel the nervousness melt away as the familiar touch softly coaxed her into a mellow state,.. then ,...I just stepped across, her mind was cluttered as most normal peoples are, but having done this before I knew what to look at there wasn't a lot of surprising things since we had known each other for a while, and I had tasted her mind often as we made love, since that's when many people broadcast the fullest,...
Not everyone, but even those who think they are private announce themselves, often in other ways, like the quiet ones,odd misfits that don't mingle, well, not all of them, many are drowning in their own insecurities, screaming in silent variegated frequencies to be noticed, pleading to be drawn from the mire that makes them reclusive, to those that see, they are as transparent as the overly gregarious that try to hide their vulnerability with noise and bravado,... There is a population that connects on a conscious level, often using the ability to manipulate and control, pulling the strings to make the unwary dance to their whim, sometimes maliciously but often not, .. Then there are those like myself who prefer to just watch, to stand on the sidelines and see the flux of humanity like trains that come and go in the hub of any big city,... It's not a case of not fitting in, it's more being purely a level of comfort with ones locus,whether it's chosen or not.
She could sense me acting the tourist within her thoughts, but then I tend to make my presence obvious in these situations bumping things that trigger the awareness of my being there,.. Tinted with a sense of wonder, she softy murmured, “You're in my head.”, and I felt her smile under my hands,. I was pleased that she was flowing in a positive way, as I figured she would when I proposed the game, wandering in someones head is pretty natural, ...Close your eyes and survey the inner realm of that space you think of as your consciousness and you will understand pretty much what it's like being in another's space, it's akin to walking into a unknown house, the arrangement is unfamiliar, but the fixtures are nothing that you can't understand, but of course most people avoid the unknown.
I surveyed in a quick pass her physical awareness, the warm presence of my hands and the mild thrilling of the feel of my knee along her thigh, I touched that, and smiling again, I felt her shift as she pressed against that connection,... I could feel the heat of the bruise where she had clocked herself with the cupboard door, and felt a momentary sympathetic wince,... I refrained from delving too deep, this was meant to be a pleasant game and I intended not to flush out any shadows that hid things that could trigger defensive reactions, it would be counter to my purpose.
She drew a deep breath and I knew what she was about to say,.. “I can't find you,... let me in?”,... She learned fast, it's not unusual to be able to cross abodes,.... once the process has been revealed, just like swimming, it clicks, then simply becomes a matter of refinement, ...Of course even with the inherent ability some never learn to swim.
“Let me in,..” there was the implied assertion that I was keeping her out that colored the words, and it was true, I shield very well, for good reason, but this was about trust,.. so I whispered, “Be careful “, and gave way to her probe,... Suddenly I was filled with her panic, all in a heartbeat she flailed and jerked away from my touch, and connection,... As I watched her compose herself her eyes wide and dilated, she looked at me and said,” You are all afire!” and she wrapped her arms around herself and shivered, as if cold,.. Shaking my head I said “No, that's just pain,... managed pain”,... I should have known being the sensitive she was that the hurt would be the first thing she connected with, and her reaction was understandable from that standpoint.
I put my hands out to her and she climbed into my embrace, with her face against my chest she said under her breath, “so much pain, I could feel it!...” looking up into my eyes she asked “How do yo bear it?”,.. With a chuckle I replied, “ I don't have much choice, now do I, it's been part of my life,... My whole life,... It's normal for me,.. Like anything, you learn it's ways or it consumes you.” ,...Putting her head against me as if listening to my heart, she shivered again and clung to me a bit harder,..I don't like it!” she stated in a little girl voice,... That set me to chuckling, and I tipped her face up and kissed her, “Nothing for it babe,.. let's go to bed, I think this day is a wash”,.. She was quiet for a moment then tangling her fingers in the wisps of my chest she pulled and said, “Promise we can do this again”,.. with a laugh I said,” Such a glutton for punishment!” and gathering her up I carried her into the bedroom.
Tomorrow would be another day,..tonight I would assuage the rigors of time in the sweet wash of her sensuality. |
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regatomic's journal
